Concert Coming Soon

Casting Crowns are coming to town next month. I would really like to go.... but I don't have anyone to go with.

They sing this song, "Who Am I", and I love the lyrics. All about how in the grand scheme of things we are nothing. The world is so much bigger than our small problems. The first time I heard this song was in high school in chapel, when a girl sang it. She had a beautiful voice, and after I heard it, I had to figure out who sang it.

I need to meet more friends who share my faith. I'm feeling really lonely lately.

I had someone I considered a good friend. She was supposed to come and visit over break. We had made plans, or I thought we had. She never called, never came over. She has always been flaky... not someone who is too aware of time and being dependable. But she has not had time for me in months. I have been shoving it off, trying to ignore the fact that someone I care about cannot make time for me at all....
It hurts.

She was someone who I could talk about God with, my struggles and someone with strong faith when I needed a reminder of how awesome God is.
She does not know that I have a job.
That's how long it's been since I talked to her. Because when I stopped calling and sending her facebook notes and letters in the mail, she never got a hold of me.

I'm on pinterest all the time now, because it's addicting and I have time on my hands until my training starts... and there is good advice on there.... like this:

Source: etiquetteforalady.tumblr.com via Kyra on Pinterest

I'm so tired of feeling like I'm the option and never a priority. For people that I choose to make a priority in my life.

So my question is: as someone who always wants closure, how do you tell (or not tell) someone that you don't really trust them anymore, because they are never even involved in your life? So much so that you have not talked to them in over a month, and after months of being unemployed, they don't even know that you had an interview, went back for another interview, and then got a job offer the next day....

They do not have a clue what is going on in my life because they didn't even bother to ask. Or call, or write, or freaking facebook message me or anything else.

Then I feel like a horrible person because I'm so upset by this... betrayal. That's what it feels like to me. Every time I open up to someone else and let them in they leave. I want people to know me, the real me, and I want to know them too. But it's so hard to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you. Someone who refuses to put in any effort in a relationship. Don't I deserve better?

Don't we all deserve to be friends with people who actually put an effort into your relationship? It's the same thing with guys, but that's a topic for another day.

It takes two people to have a relationship, and one person should not be doing all of the work.

After the Interview....

I ramble when I get nervous.

Interviews make me nervous. (Obviously) Don't they make everyone nervous? You're being judged by your appearance, what you say, how you answer their questions.

There were three parts to the interview. A tour, the interview with the managers, and a sit-a-long with someone who is currently doing the job, so we can see what it will be like.

I got picked to interview first. I thought, "this is good, I'll get it over with right away". I was sweating through my super cute, white, silk blouse with my black Calvin Klein pencil skirt. I was also wearing nylons, because I was assured that was more formal and appropriate. Nylons are not comfortable. I had to go to Meijer to buy a pair because I don't own any because they are HIDEOUS. Also, my outfit was complete with my pointy-toed, nude leather pumps by Nine West.

Point is, I looked business-like and professional. Even though I was SO nervous.

There were a couple questions I felt like I did not answer well, but I did the best I could.

At the end, I asked when we could expect to hear from them. The manager said within two weeks we would know either way.

The next day, I got a phone call from the woman who first interviewed me and offered me a job.

I am in shock and super excited. The first thing I think is how I will now be able to pay off my student loan within a year. It has not hit me yet...

Very grateful for God bringing me this opportunity. All in God's timing.

Job Interview, Part 1:

Listening to How He Loves by the David Crowder Band.... I have been attending a new church for the past couple of weeks. It's taking some time to get used to. I miss my old church in Kalamazoo.... it was much smaller. Right now I'm attending Resurrection Life Church in Grandville.

Source: spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

I have a job interview tomorrow.... I'm feeling very nervous.


This is the second interview with this company. It is set to be a 2 hr. interview with a tour.


I know that God has a plan for me, no matter what happens. All I can do is the best that I can. Everything else is in His hands. 

Another unsuccessful job application

Source: babaloud.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Feeling very unmotivated lately......

Applied for a job at Saginaw Valley State University. I had to create an online "profile" which is the new way to waste people's time. I wrote my cover letter and updated my resume after creating my online profile (with all of the same information that is ON MY RESUME). Then I went to attach and send them my resume and cover letter I had to answer "supplemental questions".

These are, apparently, questions that will either allow you (or not allow you) to apply for a position.

The first was asking if I had a BA (I do). So no problemo there.

The second was asking if I had three years experience in communications, journalism, or public relations. (Technically, I graduated in 2010, with a year and a half of corporate experience at WMU, with another seven months of PR and event planning in Kalamazoo)....

So no, I do not have three years of experience. 

I do not think that should stop me from applying to a job that I have routinely done all of the duties for. This is a "communications specialist" job, with daily duties that are all things I have done before.

So I think, I shouldn't lie. (Aren't you glad I'm such an honest, trustworthy person?)

So I say, "No" (there is no "fill in the blank" option)

And after spending over an hour giving Saginaw Valley State University all of my information and creating a "Username" and a password and all of this other CRAP they tell me that I am not qualified for the position.

So I completely wasted my time, in other words.

So I shared this lovely story on Facebook and was informed that you should ALWAYS say "yes" to the supplemental questions because otherwise they will not EVEN LOOK at your application. They will not even GET your application.

So at this point I am pretty pissed off about it and thinking that I can't even get them to give me a chance on a job I would be great at and I find the Human Resources Director's name and email  him my resume and cover letter (not that he'll read it) and not that it will give me a chance at all....

but at least I will clog up his inbox and apparently that is ALL I CAN DO.

Source: iwsmt.littleasllc.netdna-cdn.com via Nicole on Pinterest

So I am trying to remember today, that all I can do is keep trying.

Today, I did not want to get out of bed.

But I did.

So even though I still do not have a job, I am trying to be positive (trying is the key here).

It is proving to be the most difficult thing in my life. I have a history of depression, and I have been feeling depression I have not felt in years lately.

I need to remember that I am not alone. There are so many people who are looking for work. This is the only thing that makes me feel better.

I've Been Gone For So Long

Source: sayingimages.com via Polly on Pinterest

I've been slacking in the writing area. Not just here.... in my personal journal too. I don't think I've written since I got back to Michigan.

I figured I had nothing to write about now that my big adventure of moving off on my own epically failed. Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn't a failure. Let me tell you, no matter how many people say that, it still feels like one because I had to come back home. I didn't make enough money to support myself.

Source: gatherlove.tumblr.com via Polly on Pinterest

It makes me feel like a failure.

Source: thegirlwhokeepsdreaming.tumblr.com via Polly on Pinterest

I keep getting so frustrated with God because I keep asking why all of these things, that I, in my great wisdom (sarcasm) think should not be happening to me. Why is God not letting me (that's not the right word, but it's all I can think of) get a great full-time job and make enough money to support myself so I can live NOT in Michigan where it's cold and snowy and why isn't He making my life easier? Don't I deserve better? I know what you are thinking. You're thinking I'm a brat. A spoiled brat. Who hasn't realized that life is not fair. And people don't get what they deserve.

Source: 27.media.tumblr.com via Rachel on Pinterest

And it happens all of the time: Bad things happen to good people. Bad people get away with things they should not. And I am so lucky, because I have two parents who love me, and a roof over my head, and food and clean water. And I have some amazing best friends who are always there for me. So really, I am the one who needs to change.

Source: Uploaded by user via Mary Britni on Pinterest

I need to change my attitude and trust in the Lord. I believe that He loves me, and He has good things in store for me. Why do I question His choices? He knows what is best for me.... even when I think I know better. That is the thing with humans.... we always think we know best.

But God is not human. We cannot begin to comprehend how He works. And that is why He is so amazing. So my questioning my life and everything right now is really me having a lack of faith.

Then I feel ashamed, for I believe in God the Father, and in Jesus, his son, and in the Holy Spirit. I believe in a God who is good.... and that He loves me. So how, HOW, can I, a simple human, question what God has planned, and what path my life takes?

This is getting to a point of ranting... or was a long time ago.

Adios.

Sleeping Pills Don't Work For Me

Source: observando.net via Lesley on Pinterest

Maybe I could sleep in a bed like this? i think it floats, rocking back and forth could be very relaxing.

Source: google.com via Mary on Pinterest

Wish I could sleep so peacefully like her.... I toss and turn, and.... lately there is a lot of crying.

Trying to come up with my next plan, but I really just feel like i'm coming up with nothing.

I can go back to work in Kzoo for the Christmas parties. but my old boss would have to pay me more money to make it worth it to drive to Kzoo just to work for a night. I thought I might be able to stay the night at some places, but i no longer think that is an option. I thought I had a relationship that was very important in my life. Apparently, I am finding out, that I am not as important in his life.

I am a Christian girl. This changes the way you look at dating and potential dates drastically.

I am looking for a guy who has the same beliefs and values as me. I am looking for a guy who is okay with me not having sex until I get married. (This is when guys run away). I want a God-fearing man who knows how to treat a woman. I question whether there is a guy who can treat me how Jesus would want him to.

I thought I had a guy who fit a lot of those qualities. But I never really had him. We were never in a typical relationship. We never talked about dating, but that's what it was. I cared about him, he cared about me.... we were more than friends.

I am so tired of opening myself up to people, having them open up to me, and then having them run away, because they are too scared to be in a relationship.

If you are too scared to be in a relationship, you are going to be ALONE for a LONG time.

How can you NOT take a chance with someone who makes you smile, makes you laugh, and you can tell anything to?

I want to have someone I love, love me back.

Is that too much to ask? I keep praying.... praying about so many things. Wish I would get more answers.

Source: maytenatalia.tumblr.com via Jade on Pinterest

Home Sweet Home?

Source: healthyisalwaysbetter.tumblr.com via Amanda on Pinterest

It is cold in Michigan. I can't believe I'm back here....

I have gotten two confirmations from jobs in Arkansas and Colorado that they have my information and reviews of applicants will begin soon. The job in Colorado is at a community college. They are both good starting points, but I don't have any expectations.

A lot of the jobs my mom has emailed me from Higheredjobs.com are jobs that I have already applied to, months ago. These jobs have still not been filled, and it just shows that these people are not willing to give anyone who does not have every single qualification they are looking for a chance. It's so frustrating because these are jobs that I know I can do. 

I still have not found my camera cord and so I guess I have to buy a new one. My desktop computer has not been set up at home yet since I just got home yesterday.

I have some banquet work I can do for Christmas parties in Kalamazoo, but my mom asked if I should try to find a part-time job in GR while I'm here.

Is it worth it? I suppose I'm adverse only because I don't want to stay here, but I doubt anyone will be doing any hiring around the holidays.

A friend suggested I look for a full-time job at a place like Walmart or Target in whatever city I want to move to. The problem is, I don't know where I want to go from here. And I'm pretty sure that if I was working at Walmart, I would probably be pretty depressed about that. Working for $8/hr is just.... so sad. All of this education and this is what my life has come to? 

I am trying to stay positive.... 

Am now obsessed with Pinterest....

And I want one of these framed in my future residence (if I ever get a job....)

Source: iwilltrustinyou.tumblr.com via Amanda on Pinterest