I've Been Gone For So Long

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I've been slacking in the writing area. Not just here.... in my personal journal too. I don't think I've written since I got back to Michigan.

I figured I had nothing to write about now that my big adventure of moving off on my own epically failed. Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn't a failure. Let me tell you, no matter how many people say that, it still feels like one because I had to come back home. I didn't make enough money to support myself.

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It makes me feel like a failure.

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I keep getting so frustrated with God because I keep asking why all of these things, that I, in my great wisdom (sarcasm) think should not be happening to me. Why is God not letting me (that's not the right word, but it's all I can think of) get a great full-time job and make enough money to support myself so I can live NOT in Michigan where it's cold and snowy and why isn't He making my life easier? Don't I deserve better? I know what you are thinking. You're thinking I'm a brat. A spoiled brat. Who hasn't realized that life is not fair. And people don't get what they deserve.

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And it happens all of the time: Bad things happen to good people. Bad people get away with things they should not. And I am so lucky, because I have two parents who love me, and a roof over my head, and food and clean water. And I have some amazing best friends who are always there for me. So really, I am the one who needs to change.

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I need to change my attitude and trust in the Lord. I believe that He loves me, and He has good things in store for me. Why do I question His choices? He knows what is best for me.... even when I think I know better. That is the thing with humans.... we always think we know best.

But God is not human. We cannot begin to comprehend how He works. And that is why He is so amazing. So my questioning my life and everything right now is really me having a lack of faith.

Then I feel ashamed, for I believe in God the Father, and in Jesus, his son, and in the Holy Spirit. I believe in a God who is good.... and that He loves me. So how, HOW, can I, a simple human, question what God has planned, and what path my life takes?

This is getting to a point of ranting... or was a long time ago.

Adios.